Ah, the holiday season — a time for joy, giving, and, apparently, penile fractures. If your December plans include experimenting with festive intimacy, you might want to reconsider or, at the very least, stretch first.
A surprising new trend has emerged: a spike in sex-related injuries, with a staggering 234% increase in searches for “penile fracture” last Christmas alone, according to FeetFinder. Yes, you read that correctly. The season of mistletoe and eggnog is also prime time for ER visits related to intimate mishaps.
So, what is it about the holidays that transforms bedrooms into danger zones? Let’s unravel the mystery.
The Most Dangerous Time of the Year
According to a study published in the British Journal of Urology International, penile fractures, often described as the “eggplant emergency” due to the immediate bruising and swelling, are most common during wild, adventurous sex.
The researchers found a significant increase in these injuries between December 24 and 26. In Germany alone, the study estimated that if every day were like Christmas, the country would have experienced 43% more penile fractures between 2005 and 2021.
Dr. Nikolaos Pyrgides, a urologist at Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich, attributes these injuries to the festive euphoria. “This injury tends to occur during wild sex — particularly in positions where you’re not in direct eye contact, such as reverse cowgirl,” he explains.
The sound of an audible crack, followed by intense pain and rapid deflation, signals the onset of this holiday horror story. Without immediate treatment, the consequences could include permanent curvature, painful erections, or even long-term sexual dysfunction.
But why the seasonal spike? Experts point to the trifecta of festive cheer, increased alcohol consumption, and heightened expectations to make the holidays “special.”
Why People Are Getting Hurt
Google searches for “pulled muscle during sex,” “injury during sex,” and “swelling after sex” also see notable increases during the holiday season. A FeetFinder sexologist suggests that the festive spirit often inspires couples to try new positions, introduce toys, or even explore holiday-themed role-play.
However, a lack of preparation or communication can quickly turn these moments of experimentation into emergency situations.
Let’s not forget alcohol’s role in these accidents. While a little eggnog might lower inhibitions, it also raises the likelihood of risky moves gone wrong. As the old adage goes: “A tipsy thrust is a dangerous thrust.”
The Culprits: Dangerous Positions and Toys
Some sex positions are repeat offenders when it comes to causing injuries. Doggy style, missionary, and woman-on-top positions are the top three culprits for penile fractures, with doggy style accounting for 41% of cases, according to the Journal of Impotence Research. Reverse cowgirl also ranks high due to the awkward angle and lack of control, which can lead to disastrous results if things go awry.
And then there are sex toys.
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) reported over 45,000 sex toy-related injuries in the past decade. While younger individuals aged 20 to 24 are most at risk, the data reveals an uptick in injuries among men over 55.
Common causes? Improper usage, skipping instructions, and attempting advanced maneuvers without practice.
Safety Tips to Avoid a Holiday ER Visit
Nobody’s saying you shouldn’t spice things up this holiday season. After all, who doesn’t love a little festive fun? But if you’re looking to avoid explaining to a doctor how Santa’s naughty list landed you in the ER, here are a few tips:
1. Communicate
Talk to your partner about boundaries, comfort levels, and any new ideas before diving in. Surprises are great for gifts, not for trying acrobatic moves in the bedroom. Consent and clear communication can save you a lot of pain and embarrassment.
2. Take It Slow
If you’re trying a new position or toy, take your time. Rushing increases the likelihood of accidents. Remember: slow and steady wins the sexy race.
3. Read the Instructions
For sex toys, don’t skip the manual. It might not scream “sexy,” but understanding how to properly use your device can prevent injuries and enhance your experience.
4. Limit Alcohol
Sure, alcohol might loosen you up, but it also impairs judgment. Keep your holiday drinks light if you’re planning on getting frisky later.
Other Holiday Hazards
Penile fractures aren’t the only mishaps linked to the holidays. According to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA), Christmas trees, fairy lights, and even champagne corks are frequent culprits for injuries this time of year.
Nearly 1,000 people in the UK sustain Christmas tree-related injuries annually, while fairy lights account for 350 burns and shocks.
And let’s not forget kitchen accidents. Preparing Christmas dinner leads to countless injuries, from knife mishaps while chopping vegetables to burns from hot fat spills.
Champagne corks, meanwhile, have been known to rupture eyeballs or detach retinas, launching at speeds of up to 50 mph.
A Season for Caution and Celebration
The holidays are a time for love and laughter, not ER visits. While it’s tempting to go all out to make this season unforgettable, a little caution can go a long way in keeping the festivities merry and bright.
So, go ahead and embrace the holiday spirit — just remember to keep safety in mind, whether you’re decorating the tree, popping champagne, or exploring new ways to connect with your partner.
Because, let’s face it, nobody wants to spend Christmas explaining to a doctor how they broke their candy cane.
